Psychologists have explained why we constantly compare ourselves with others. An inner critic can ruin our lives by devaluing our success, talents, and individuality.
How to make him shut up and enjoy life again?
I will not surprise you by saying that the reasons for the emergence of internal criticism should be sought in childhood. The habit of comparing oneself with others develops where the child does not receive unconditional acceptance. In situations when it seems to her that she should earn love by her actions – to be obedient, polite, to study well, to meet some requirements of others. “Petya always helps his mother with the housework, and you …” or “Elena, unlike you, is interested in school” – these are just the most obvious examples that undermine their own value in the eyes of the child. As a result, no matter what she achieves in adulthood, she will always feel inferior to others .
Ukraine , Ukraingate , 29 , December , 2021 | Psychology
This condition becomes habitual and becomes a comfort zone. Such a person will unconsciously reproduce a reality in which you can repeatedly experience a state of insecurity. But the feeling of being valuable, important, loved, on the contrary, is perceived as a danger zone, so it is avoided. But everything can be fixed, the main thing is to act tactfully.
How to gain self-confidence
Self-confidence and self-confidence cannot arise artificially. If the real internal needs are not closed, ignored, it is impossible to replace them with external manifestations of confidence – clothes, compliments, insults on social networks will not help. There is a desynchronization between internal and external.
Many times betraying yourself in small things and in a big way (you want to divorce, but what will people think! You want to talk honestly about your feelings, but are afraid to become vulnerable) – gradually you stop believing in yourself. Against this background, the ego strengthens, becomes a protective wall between you and the world.
By taking steps toward yourself, interceding for yourself no matter what, choosing what is important to you, you build self-confidence.
How to learn to choose yourself?
Step 1. Notice where you are betraying yourself. Honestly answer the question:
What do I do forced and without love?
What do I not like, but I do because “debt, guilt and what the neighbors will think”?
Where do I deceive myself?
Where do I say “yes” even though “no” inside?
Where do I say no to myself, when I really want to?
I want to compliment a beautiful girl, but I restrain myself and silently admire.
I close my eyes and dance in my dreams, but in reality I devalue my desire.
I agree to come to an uninteresting meeting, although she has already set up to be at home.
Step 2: Stop doing this and start really recognizing yourself
And what do I really want?
What makes me happy right now, and how do I want to make myself happy?
And start choosing exactly what fills you, not devastates you.
Envy. How to transform a destructive feeling of envy into force?
Another form of comparing yourself to others is envy. But at the same time, it is a compass that helps us understand our true needs and desires. But not everyone knows how to use it. Some get stuck in envy, comparing themselves to others, going into anger and feelings of injustice. This path will not lead to development and growth.
Others translate envy into motivation and a tool for self-study. The key here is to understand why you are jealous. For example, a friend has a lot of fans and you admit to yourself that you really want the same. Ask yourself: How will I feel when I have a lot of fans? And everyone’s answer will be different.
One girl will say that she will feel valuable and needed. Another – desirable, the third – in demand. And this answer will be the key – this is the state you really want to achieve, and not a large number of fans. This is your real request – how I want to feel because of the presence of fans.
And you can already work with that. When you come to feel wanted, you may no longer need crowds of men, because you have received a state in need of envy.
Good practice:
Consciously switch your attention from the state of envy to the question: “what does he / she have, what does he / she have / can do? How can I learn this? ”
As long as you deny someone else’s success, you have blocked access to what you so passionately want to have, because it is impossible to get what is carefully rejected. Write down the people you envy and why you are jealous. Ask yourself the suggested questions and start observing, analyzing, researching and learning from what you see in this person – their qualities, the choices they make, the priorities they set, their attitudes towards themselves and life.
And finally, a few simple but key recommendations that will help you begin to transform your inner state, feelings and attitude to life.
For sadness, depression, sadness is responsible for one part of the brain, for happiness – quite different. That is, this is not a straight line, where we will one day come to the point of “happiness” out of sadness, where the light strip will begin. No, these are literally two different paths, and to get on the path to happiness, you need to consciously choose it over and over again.
- Therefore, the first recommendation – notice what you choose: to be unhappy or happy? Assume it’s a choice. And start testing and choosing new states.
- Appreciate the strong in yourself. Girls often value their virtues by thinking that “everyone has an ‘or’ someone’s better.” It only lowers your self-esteem: if I don’t value myself, who will value me? If I don’t love myself, why should others love me? Celebrate even your small achievements as important and thank yourself for them, allowing you to feel joy and pride – so you are saturated with strength and energy. Even if it’s “my mom called first, although I never do.”
- Take care of your body and feelings. Introduce in the morning or evening such simple habits as breathing practices, gymnastics, contrast shower or bath with salt, and at least consciously and with pleasure apply the cream in the morning. If you have any unpleasant feelings, pay attention and explore them, and do not run away – write in your diary, ask yourself questions, monitor the situation.
- Focus your attention. Learn to be well present in one case, without being distracted by extraneous thoughts or the phone. If you are reading a book, read the book. Where your attention is, there is your life energy – this is what creates all your reality. Observe where your attention is during the day?
- Always ask yourself: am I not betraying myself now, making a choice? Remember, repeated betrayal of yourself, even in seemingly not so important moments, forms an internal state of self-doubt.
- Do not be afraid of strange states. When we enter something new, we lose the comfort zone and control. It’s scary. But the brave get the best. Remember why you first went into development. There will be an instant point when it will not be possible to stay the same as before. And this is where your personal magic will begin.
These simple points with regular use will help you start restarting your reality and your state. And then new tools, tips, guides will appear on the internal request. Space always gives us opportunities to realize our real needs – allow yourself to start noticing and applying them.
Source : Ukrgate